All That Matters (oil on canvas, 2021)

(Private Collection)
In the Fall of my senior year in college I was beginning to prepare to apply to graduate schools. I wanted to be a painter, but my advisor encouraged me to pursue printmaking instead. Admittedly, my drawing and printmaking skills far exceed my abilities as a painter at that time, as I struggled with the complexities of color theory and color mixing, as well as the technical difficulties of working with oil paint. Still, I really wanted to be a painter. She said something to me along the lines of, "Look, Frank, some people just 'get' color and others, like you, don't. But there are still myriad possibilities open to you as an artist who works in black-and-white."

So I went to graduate school as a printmaker, eventually leaving to pursue a career in music. It was 15 years later when I "decided" (Actually, I was compelled and eventually capitulated only after a long and arduous struggle.) to be a painter and I had to face my insufficiencies as a colorist. If I were to detail the literally thousands of hours that I spent studying color theories, making color scales and charts, transcribing works by other artists, meticulously mixing colors to match the colors they used and trying to understand why they used them, and making hundreds of terrible paintings that went straight to the trash bin, you either wouldn't believe me or you'd think me insane. Eventually, though, through sheer tenacity, I figured it out. I teach courses in color theory for artists now and most of the issues that I help painting students with have to do with color. When students are impressed by my ability to look at any color and quickly mix an exact match in paint, I oftentimes find myself telling them the story of what my advisor told me. Many of them are horrified and say that my advisor shouldn't have said that to me because she might have discouraged me from following my dream of becoming an artist. They are wrong. I will always be grateful for what she said to me because firstly, it was true - I had an incredibly difficult time understanding color and my paintings at the time demonstrated this – and secondly, I saw it as a challenge and therein I found the will to overcome my deficiencies, which, I can assure you, was no small feat. And I never “dreamed” of becoming an artist. I don’t even know what that means. Dreaming is something I do during the brief moments that I sleep. As I already mentioned, I was compelled to paint. I usually follow up the story by telling students, especially the ones that are struggling with color, that if I was able to master it, anyone can.

And to anyone who “dreams” of becoming an artist, my advice would be: Wake up and get to work.